“Yeah Right!”: A Toupee Adventure

I started to lose my hair in high school, probably around junior year or so. I was already the weird kid obsessed with classic rock that nobody wanted in their band, so the addition of thinning hair only complemented the general alienation; why not throw wispy hair on the already substantial pile of quirks? It’sContinue reading ““Yeah Right!”: A Toupee Adventure”

Manual Labor and Tony LittleDog

I am no stranger to manual labor, though my mind and body prefer me to avoid it at all costs. I don’t look like someone for whom manual labor is a constant, that’s something I’m proud of. But property needs maintenance, and no one is going anywhere, so we must maintain it ourselves. My folksContinue reading “Manual Labor and Tony LittleDog”

Hellish Grocery Stores, Honking, and Other Sins

Friends, family, and even TV personalities have mentioned that they’ve been going on walks to break up their time under lockdown. Walking through the outside world must bring some small comfort when the size of your universe has shrunk from the infinitesimal to the meager square footage of your hovel. And yet, though I’m lockedContinue reading “Hellish Grocery Stores, Honking, and Other Sins”

Horses Walk at Birth, Human Babies Are Useless

Despite being a somewhat cranky shut-in, constantly condemning social distancing failures and errors, I did manage to see something truly wonderful recently. While I sure do a great deal of technological lamenting, something fantastic cropped up as a result of it. A family friend — my uncle’s ex-boyfriend, if you must know — live-streamed hisContinue reading “Horses Walk at Birth, Human Babies Are Useless”

Quarantine and Lexapro

I’ve seen people out in droves, hoarding all they can from grocery stores – their eyes nervously darting, hoping the customer next to them isn’t a carrier.             I’ve seen empty city streets, empty parking lots, and empty businesses – the modern day, self-imposed ghost town.             I’ve seen neighbors staring out their windows, locking eyes withContinue reading “Quarantine and Lexapro”

Divorce Done Dirt Cheap

Originally appeared in Newance Magazine. Newark is home to many fine businesses, restaurants, bars, and museums, but only one business offers an authentic slice of the American way: cheap divorce.  You can’t miss it. Driving down Route-21, passing a proverbial rainbow of dry cleaners, liquor stores, and restaurants – and then the biggest sign ofContinue reading “Divorce Done Dirt Cheap”